One Night Stands And Black Girl Bucket Lists

I have a confession. I just recently crossed something off of my Black Girl Bucket List. Yasss gurl.

Lemme tell you something though, it’s always been something I wanted to experience but never had the nerve to go through with it. In most cases, I was afraid…afraid of catching some disease I couldn’t get rid of, getting pregnant, or gaining a stalker. I was also afraid of being labeled a hoe, promiscuous, and my least favorite, a thot. All of this had stopped me from truly exploring my sexuality…

With that being said, I think that the way in which women view their sexuality is very problematic these days. We’ve created a conflict between those who abstain and those who indulge. There’s no middle ground. We’ve formed this division where we believe what we believe and leave no room for understanding. I know because LISSEN I used to be a part of the old lady gang in church shunning women who owned their sexuality.

I was a late bloomer. I lost my v/card merely a couple of weeks before I graduated HS. Years before being deflowered, I used to believe sex had to be some holier-than-thou event for it to be done right. You HAD to be in love and you HAD to be married. I believed that the only way to have great sex was if real, genuine emotions were entangled in the mix.

Being the only virgin pea in the pod group of friends who had all lost their maidenhood–they used to tell me all about their horror stories and the “why’s” I should keep my legs closed. More so, force it down my throat on saving my goodies for someone who cared and loved for me.

As a result of this, I was made to believe that sex without love wasn’t worth it, often left you feeling empty and that I should wait until I had those feelings. Now, while I don’t disagree with this notion entirely, my way of thinking changed when the best sex I’ve ever had up to this point in my life happened during that one-night stand. Girl, it warped my whole way of looking at sex.

Nowadays I can say that I think you should do what you feel and do it because it was your decision. And while I don’t recommend that you ladies run out, grab you a cutie, and hop on his pogo stick, should you decide to trod over onto the wild side and have a one-night stand, there are some things you should know beforehand. Cause see, planning a one-night stand is a lot like organizing an event. You’ll need to know the who, the what, when, where, why, and exactly how you want him to please you.

But first…

Is this truly what you want?

Be certain and listen to your conscious sis. If you ask yourself, “should I go through with this?” listen to the first answer that pops up into your head. If it’s a yes, girl, pull that wedgie out and give yourself permission to engage in what could possibly lead to a fuck-filling experience. Trust me. It’s okay. And I’m 100 percent certain he is not judging you. There are far too many women concerned with how they should act, how they will be perceived, or what is considered “morally right” that they never allow themselves to delve in casual encounter sexcapades, and this is partly due to society’s perception of what is “ladylike.” FUCK THAT! Do you boo.

Also, if you’re drunk AF, I’d advise you to think twice before making hasty decisions. This is a serious matter.

Whose house?

In my opinion, this is the second most important (I’ll get to the first in just a moment). I’m very particular about my space and who invades it. I also believe that there is a sense of control when it comes to whose house you decide to go to. If you both decide on your place, you can kick him out whenever you want. You get to decide if the two of you are going to make this a sleepover or a no crash zone, and vice versa when it comes to his place.

I would also think about whether or not I would want to get up early in the morning and subject myself to the “Walk of shame.” Not because there really is any shame in it all girl, but because I might be too lazy to budge. Oh, and one more thing, if you decide on his house, make sure to text your pro-hoe friend (as in the friend who won’t judge you on your transgressions). You need to give her this dude’s address, license plate number, and if you can without him noticing, snap a quick pic of him. This is just a precaution–you can never be too careful.

The Protection Plan: Girl, does he or you have a good quality condom?

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT! And I do mean QUALITY because it’s key!

If he pulls out a lifestyle or something titled “flavored”, “rubbed” or “tingly sensation” issa no for me. Personally, the best condoms to use are Trojan Magnum, Trojan Ultra Ribbed, and Durex Extra Sensitive (I’ll do a blog about my top ten brand recommendations soon).  You def don’t want to use a faulty/cheap condom that breaks and now you’ll have to deal with having to spend schmoney on a plan B, or worst, catch something…

It’s highly, highly, highly important that you protect yourself from STDs (and unexpected pregnancies) as much as possible. Also, don’t be ashamed to have a few in your purse or stashed in your dresser, as you never know when they will come in handy. If truth be told, some men cannot be trusted and will show up to the “event” without a condom thinking they’ll be able to R.A.W dog you. But, politely let him know that R.A.W means randoms aren’t wanted, which also means if you ain’t my man, we not f’n without a rubber. Pee-ree-yud.

Don’t be afraid to be adventurous and try new things

This is your moment to open the flood gates and be as freaky as you want to be. Why? You’ll never see him again so might as well get the best from this no-strings-attached gig. I mean, pull out some of your best moves and make it a memorable experience for the both of you. But also, make sure to set some boundaries about how far you’re willing to go. If 50 shades of grey ain’t your thing, don’t wait until he tries to get experimental to kill the mood. Be clear from the get go sis.

When the rendezvous has ended…

Sometimes, if the dick was too bomb, we may begin to harbor feelings that our one night is the start of something good. If it truly is some recurrent thing he’s interested in, then, by all means, continue the sexcapade, but never assume that your coochie was more than what it was (unless he says so himself) You MUST check your emotions at the DOE!

Chile listen, don’t let this f’d up world shame you out of having a little fun from time to time. To me, there is nothing, I mean NUFFIN’ wrong with having a one-night stand, or at least experience it for once in your life. As long as you adhere to the things listed above, you’re good.

So, girl, tell me, when was the last time you gave yourself permission to enjoy a no-strings-attached dick? Or better yet? Is it on your Black Girl Bucket List? Comment below!

Jasemine Knowles