Me, Myself, and Masturbation


I’ve always felt self-conscious in the bedroom. That was until I explored my orifice one day and my inner goddess reared her beautiful head, thus sparking something magical within me that I had never known could happen before…well, atleast on my own.

I had an orgasm. It was my first EVER orgasm I had experienced (unfortunately before, no man has ever gotten so lucky).

Anyway, experiencing an orgasm warranted by my own fingers got me thinking: not only does this feel good, but I wanted to express it to the world because I felt on top of the world.  And then I remembered that masturbation was the one dirty little secret we’re all harbouring. The one thing we can’t talk about, even amongst our closest female friends without feeling weird about it.

We live in a generation that pretty much overshares on everything and anything under the sun…except this.

Don’t get me wrong, there are conditions attached to this: vibrators are fine – we can discuss vibrators, even go and buy them together at the sex store while joking about our new gadgets. But we never discuss female masturbation, on its own, without a purple, glittery, revolving dick, without a man present, just for the sake of it.

I can talk about it if someone else brings it up in conversation (which rarely happens), but I have to force myself to swallow my discomfort first, and I’d never brought it up myself – why is that? The topics of conversation I’ll cover with my closest friends know no bounds – except this one. Is it just too personal? Because that’s how it feels.

But in Nailah fashion, I’m here to bust down this taboo, seemingly uncomfortable topic and begin speaking about it. Why? Because after experiencing my first orgasm during masturbation, I realize how better I felt afterward, how that raging headache went away, and my stress from my long laundry list of “to dos” dispersed after my body convulsed and a euphoria washed over me.

Listen: as human beings we have no problem satisfying our urges when it comes to hunger or thirst, but that our sexual needs have been the subject of so much debate, anguish, and even “shaking of heads” and “noses turning up” that we’re often left feeling bad about it.

Because we’re very familiar with the typical ways to exhibit self-care—saying no; sleeping in; excercising; going on social media strikes; tuning in to our intuitions; feeding ourselves with nourishing foods; unplugging from the internet, etc. solo-sex is an often overlooked self-care routine.

But not anymore!


  1. Masturbation feels too damn good. Okay! So good, that often times it can get miscontrued for the real thing…
  2. Masturbation keeps your yoni healthy through orgasms. “An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available… it releases feel-good neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin that lift your spirits, boost your satisfaction, and activate the reward circuits in your brain,” Gloria Brame, Ph.D, told Psychology Today in an article. Drugs that are good for you?! I’ll take it.
  3. Masturbation relieves stress & tension in your body.
  4. Masturbation promotes body mindfulness and helps you build sexual confidence.
  5. Masturbation helps you explore the many different orgasms you can have.
  6. Masturbation is the ultimate form of self-love and meditation.
  7. Masturbation helps strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.
  8. Masturbation is the safest sex you can have.
  9. Masturbation is a great way to reconcile your love/hate relationship with porn.
  10. Masturbation helps create & sustain your sexual sovereignty.
  11. Masturbation is the best way to get to know your sexuality.
  12. Masturbation helps you have a better relationship with your desires.
  13. Masturbation cultivates self-intimacy.
  14. Masturbation is a natural sleep aid & fights insomnia. Personally, it’s always a great thing for me to do right before bed, in the bath or when I can’t sleep at night.
  15. Masturbation makes the sex you have with others more enjoyable. I mean, after all, how are you supposed to know how to give directions during oral or when a partner’s touching you if you aren’t even sure how to do it yourself? Sure, you can try, but the directions won’t be as good. Consider it an investment in future sex.
  16. Masturbation expands your capacity to experience pleasure. Personally, it isn’t until I’m alone that I realize there’s something new that I’d like to try out with my partner. Masturbating gives you the chance to check in with your own sexuality and fantasies outside the context of your relationship. It’s the same reason you need to allow for space in any relationship — without some distance, it’s hard to keep bringing new things to the table and have any perspective. Taking care of yourself helps you tap into what you’re craving when there are fewer distractions; this can yield super useful information to bring back to your next tryst.

As always, thanks for reading and sound off below some of your favorite self-care routines!