Thou Shalt F*ck His Mind (An Excerpt from Girl, I Tried To Tell You)
To put it plainly, because this blog article is going to be quite candid, people are having a lot of sex. And if they're not having sex, you bet they're thinking about fucking. The thing about this is, we women sometimes get too emotionally attached after we receive good dick, and sometimes don't know how to act afterward.
NOTE: THIS WILL BE A LONG READ BECAUSE I'LL BE INCLUDING AN EXCERPT FROM MY BOOK: GIRL, I TRIED TO TELL YOU.
This happens because we ended up fucking someone without truly getting to know who they are as an individual...or better yet, (or worst yet, I mean) we slip and slide in between the sheets without fully knowing what THE END RESULT WILL BE. Like, are you looking for a relationship? If so, you need to make sure he's on the same page as you before you do the do. Otherwise, you'll end up being a f*ck thing and that's not even what you wanted to be from jump.
We've got to be careful. In order to decipher whether or not this man is worth the goods, we've got to mentally fuck them. Meaning, we should be having sex with someone’s thoughts, yet why does this seem to be so challenging? Perhaps it is easier to get physically naked than emotionally naked. Perhaps we are scared to let someone into our lives and have them see how messed up we are.
It has become easier to get on a dating app, meet someone at a bar, and ask superficial questions such as “What’s up” or “How are you doing” when the answers to these questions tend to be a lie or flat out boring. Not many people who are asked these questions will jump out and say the truth about how great their day was and why or how shitty their day was and why.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY IN EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE! And if you're looking for a relationship with this fella...I'd advise you to continue reading.
It’s so important to understand exactly what you’re dealing with before you hop in that king-size with your budding romance and take things past second base.
And girl no, I don’t mean his penis size. Although it doesn’t hurt to wish we had x-ray vision to peep his piece before test-driving. But girl, I mean you need to understand much, much more about this man beside the size of his third leg.
For instance, do you like this person for his mind, or is it the way his lips curl up at the corners or that twinkle in his eye when he’s glancing at you while laughing? Do you enjoy his conversation or his corny jokes? Does he have good conversation? Does he know about politics and his history? Does he have substance? Is he worthy?
Do you know him? Like, really know him? Not just his favorite food, color, and movie. Do you know his deepest fears? The saddest thing that has ever happened to him in life and what he learned from it? What about the things his girlfriend before you had taught him about himself that he’s eager to do better in future relationships?
The key ingredient to a solid relationship is to build it upon a foundation born from the infusion of two minds. Meaning, the essential thing to do before having real sex is to have mental sex.
Before you have real, physical sex, you need to be able to contend and open yourself up to new perspectives. Below, you'll find an excerpt from my book, Girl, I tried to tell you, which is still available for purchase (PAPERBACK ONLY, BUT IF I CAN GET ENOUGH COMMENTS FROM READERS WHO WANT EBOOK, I'LL RELEASE IT FOR EBOOK FOR HALF THE PRICE<3).
Mental Stimulation 101.
You need to know how a person’s brain works, to understand how his or her body works.
You should think with your brain before you think with your sexual organ. You need to understand how a person thinks before you can achieve true intimacy.
Make this person a friend and a respected intellectual. Focus shouldn’t be entirely placed on the physical aspects of a relationship, as so many tend to do in the beginning (hell, this is True AF because I was feeling Cardi B when she said, “I’m a creep bitch, see his dick through his Nike Tech,” in Red Barz) but instead of wondering about his physical, we need to put our attention to the deeper, emotional facets of a person’s demeanor.
But on a real note, what ever happened to real conversation? The conversation that makes you react like the paragraph I wrote to describe what being mentally fucked is.
The kind of conversation that consists of topics that broaden our outlook in life, that goes outside of bedroom topics. Like, if you can get to a point where you just vibe off discussing your life, goals, and dreams, you can make something really special together.
We women like to be challenged mentally, thinking with new perspectives. We like to express ourselves and articulate our emotions.
Instead of groping and being overly sexually explicit about our desires, we like when men find other intelligent ways of expressing their desires to us, like when they express to us that we’re worth the extra effort and that we stand out from the rest.
I’m an intelligent woman searching for that intelligent man that can rock my mental as well as or even better than he can rock my body. I mean sex is sex, that’s what it is, a temporarily good feeling but no lasting effect...unless he laid pipe. But nothing beats a mental fuck.
A mental fuck stays with you for weeks to cum (ha-ha my bad) and always leaves you wanting more and signifies that you have met someone worth keeping.
I’m talking about the kinds of conversations that’ll make you skip sleep just to vibe with him. The conversation that is more than a simple, “what’s up.”
In a world of text messages, emails, and other electronic forms of communication, it seems as though we have lost the ability to mentally stimulate one another also. The corny love letter written on blue-lined paper is damned near extinct and maybe that’s our real problem, we no longer think about what we write and so we also can’t think of ways to make others think about what we say.
Humph, sad but true and yet we used to be able to write essays and research papers without having to search the internet for help and yet we no longer send implicit messages in anything we say or write. I mean really is it too much to ask for someone to tickle and play with every portion of my cerebrum instead of just my sweet spot nestled between my thighs? I mean, really is it?
What’s more, you can’t form mutual respect if you can’t respect each other’s opinions and how differently you and your significant other operate mentally.
You should know what someone stands for before you two become serious. It would be quite a travesty to end up wrapped in your lover’s arms, naked and content, only to have this person casually drop that he has grossly different beliefs than yours, which we’ll delve more into in our unevenly yoked chapter. But just to scrape the surface, if your partner were to bring up the fact that he voted for Trump’s bitch ass and you voted for Hillary, or he doesn’t believe in gay marriage, when you’re a gung-ho advocate…honey, this is a problem.
Sometimes, fundamentally different codes of ethics can make a couple incompatible.
If you can’t respectfully agree to disagree, you’re basically fucked (and not in a good way).
Not to mention, if you deeply admire a person’s mind, the sex will only be that much better because you’ll feel linked on a much more profound level. Ever heard of soul ties?
Personally, I find it hard to have good sex with someone I’m not physically or mentally attracted to. Though that doesn’t mean I’ll have sex with someone who’s cute yet has a brain the size of a peanut. There’s nothing more unattractive in the world than to be good-looking and stupid. Okay!
You want to be with someone who makes you constantly question everything around you, someone who keeps you actively participating in the development of yourself and your mind.
Also, the best thing about mind-fucking is that it usually leads to the road of commitment. I know, I know, all of this sounds complicated and seems like rocket science, but it’s not.
To get a man to commit by becoming the apex of his taste level (shout out to SZA) you need to do two things:
Rock his world.
Make him earn it.
Girl, I tried to tell you this wasn’t rocket science. How could it be that simple? It is. It’s just that you’re not doing it. Now, let’s break it down, shall we?
1. ROCK HIS FUCKING WORLD
This is a critical first step. If you can’t blow his mind, he’s not looking to commit to you. Why would he? Because you think he should? Nope. He has to want to be with you and enjoy your company and feel pretty fucking awesome around you. And you should feel that way, too. Yes, you have to be at your best. Not perfect, because no one is. But you’ve got to bring your A game.
You must teach him how to treat you, so that he has to initiate, make an effort, and earn the thing he wants. And I don’t just mean sex, because you can get sex anywhere. I mean the great stuff he loves about being with you.
And the same goes for you. If you even consider committing to someone when your world hasn’t been sufficiently rocked, then you’re in for a very long haul. Plenty of folks commit out of pressure, or a sense that it’s what they “should” do. Don’t let this be you. Commitment with love = an easy decision. Commitment without love = a jail sentence. Know what I’m saying?
2. MAKE HIM EARN IT
Once you’ve rocked his world, you don’t then give away the keys to the store. LISTEN! You don’t say, “Ok, I rocked you, now pay me back with your lifelong commitment.” It don’t work like that. You show him that he must EARN that privilege. And keep earning it.
Too many women get clingy and fearful and needy, and end up rewarding the very behavior they hate. As soon as a guy backs off or seems uninterested, she starts to deluge him with texts, show up at his apartment, go into overkill mode trying to “win” back his attention and affection. Girl, when you do this, you give the power away. You’re saying, “I’ll do anything for this, and you don’t have to do a thing.”
Wrong. He needs to do something. He needs to feel he’s earning what he wants. That’s how he knows it has value!
That was once my undoing in previous relationships. To compromise what I wanted off the bat by letting him know I was down for “whatever,” and we all know what that means: noncommittal, anytime sex without strings. Doing just about any and everything to get and keep a man.
Fine, if that’s what you want to do girl. So be it.
But it wasn’t really what I wanted. I wanted to be in committed and meaningful relationships. I lied, and sold out on what I really wanted, in order to make him like me. I was going low-rent on him, hoping he’d keep renting in my space.
Needless to say, that shit didn’t work.
Men don’t want it easier...unless it comes to pussy. But when it comes to an actual relationship, they want to know that what they’re going after is worth their time. Let him know that you’re worth the chase. That you’re the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I don’t know about you, but I’m far more committed to something I’ve invested in than something that was lobbed at me. Just as someone is far more appreciative of things they’ve had to work had for in life than being giving a handout. Feel me?
Fuck his mind. Rock his world. Make him earn it. Period.
As always, thanks so much for reading AND if you've enjoyed this piece, or would like to share, don't be afraid to comment below!
P.S. this book: Girl, I tried to tell you is still available for purchase here