Ask Nailah | The Launch | How Do I Go From BootyCall to Girlfriend?
Hey ladies, so...I need my ass whooped for how long it has taken me to launch "Ask Nailah" and I've had several messages that I had sitting on standby until I could find balance and get myself together. Well, now that I have my shop up and running (check out my author apparel if you're a writer!) ya girl is ready to get the ball rolling! First things first, I do not proclaim to know everything, so if there's someone out there within my readership who could help another sister out, please feel free. This is a learning environment for all!
Okay, now that that is out of the way, let's jump right into it. These are questions that have piled in my inbox since the debut of my sex, dating, and relationship guidebook for women called: Girl, I tried to tell you. All questions are verbatim.
Q1) Dear Nailah, The guy i've been seeing over a year is smart, funny, stable, and sexy as hell. We met online through a dating app and have been together since. However, he's boring in bed and doesn't satisy me sexually. i feel like you can't teach an old dog new tricks (he's 38), so since everything else is perfect, like he takes me on dates, buys me things, treats me well, even helped me with a new car, should i let this slide? My life is in your hands. No pressure lol.
NAILAH'S RESPONSE) Girl, listen, and listen closely. You cannot let this slide, especially if you're seeking more within the bedroom. The myth that aging kills sexuality, is just that, a myth. The truth is that while many senior citizens "retire" from lovemaking, many others don't. Don't assume ish. Tell the old geezer (I'm kidding...no, I'm not lol) what the hell you want, and show him how to do it. We're too old and too grown, and life's too short to be having unsatisfying sex, period. If, and only if, he still doesn't satisfy you after you've coached him, still keep the lines of communication open with him. Don't be embarrassed to express your desires. Communication is always key, boo.
Q2) Ok, so, i am 27 years-old and I still have no clue on how to show a guy that I'm interested in him. I've only had two real relationships that didn;t last (i refuse to count the fuckers i dated in high school). Anyway, i maintain high standards when it comes to men showing me interest, but I always struggle in reutrning the interest. How do I get better at this? Currently, I'm talking to someone new that i met on SoulSwipe and that I'd like to start dating. I'd like to be his girlfriend. I'm not stupid. I know what to do. I just can't bring myself to do it. Some good friends have given me the exact words to say, and have even offered to text for me, but when it gets time to do it, I freak TF out.
I've already had sex with him a couple of times, so, I'm guessing, I really want to know how can I go from a freak in his sheets to the lady he keeps lol. What signal does he need from me to let him know I'm into him beyond sex. I'm scared that if I do, I'd look like a damn fool. Girl, I need help!
NAILAH'S RESPONSE) Girl, Listen, If you want to win at love, you must be willing to look like a fool. Send him this text: "Wings. Friday. 8:30 Christian's Tailgate Bar. It's a date." (Or insert your own favorite food, time, and place)
With nine words, you'll have made three things absolutely clear.
1. You like him.
2. You hope he likes you.
3. You're suggesting an official date.
[Readers who've been roaring indignantly since reading the final paragraph of your letter may now return to their accustomed charm and decorum...]
Of course, you would never have to make a move if our asinine hookup culture hadn't created "backward dating"—first you mate, then you date—a delicious idea when you wish to test-drive the car before buying. lmao...i mean, c'mon, we've all been there. Let's not front.
Okay, let me stop and get serious...
I suspect you wouldn't have to send this text to show you're interested if we didn't live in SoulSwipeland. Now, I like SoulSwipe. I recommend Soulswipe. Hell, I'm on SoulSwipe. Soulswipe is terrible, great, brilliant, and dumb, all at the same damn time. But because SoulSwipe makes these very fast hookups possible, after we hook up, to protect ourselves from rejection, we turn off the enticing, inborn, man-slaying courtship signals that Mother Nature spent 3 billion years developing—we turn them off, I say, just in case the guy doesn't like us as much as we like him, because we don't want, as you say, to come off "like a fool."
And so where does that leave us? [Cover your ears, readers. Nailah's alter ego NAY-NAY is about to start cursing.] It leaves us with you having to fucking text the fucking idiot and blatantly tell him, YO! Let's date! Damn!
Sis, this seems obvious, but you would be surprised by how many women in a FWB situation stay mum on their true feelings. Let's face it, guys aren't mind readers, and they practically suck at taking hints, too. If you really want him to know how you feel, now's the time to get honest and lay it all out on the table. By taking the first step to converting your booty call into your boyfriend, you'll either be well on your way to coupledom, or viciously thrown back into the #foreveralone category. Either way, at least you will know where the two of you really stand, right?
Send the text. Let us know how everything goes, love.
Well, that's all for today ladies. Stay Tuned for more next Friday.
Ask Nailah's will be every Friday to kick-off the weekend! If you have something you'd like to ask Nailah, email her here: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Disclaimer: all entries will be anonymous unless asked otherwise.
Love and light <3 #AskNailah