Ask Nailah | I'm in Love With Two Guys, Help!
No fancy intro today, girl, so let's jump right into it!
Q1: The love of my life broke up with me three years ago. He gave me one of those "it's not you, it's me" speeches and I was heartbroken, but a couple months later, I find a handsom, adoring, and devoted New Boyfriend. Next thing i know (after posting pictures of my new happy with my new boo) Old Boyfriend flips out, apologizes, and proposes marriage. (something I wanted from him when we were together)...But, I decided to stay with New Boyfriend. The Problem is, It's been two years since I got with new boyfrined officially BUT I think about Old Boyfriend about 10 times a day. He still texts...and calls. We even Facetime a couple of times throughout the week. We get along like really well, almost too well. We still say I love you, and I get butterflies when I'm around him. The Question: Am I crazy? New Boyfriend, without a doubt, is amazing and I honestly don't know what to do because I'm in love with both of them! One with a little more of my head, one with a little more of my heart. How do I choose?
Nailah's Response: I'm going to keep this short and sweet, because, it's simple really. To put it plainly, you answered your own question by beginning with "the love of my life...". And the fact that you're still communicating with him (and it seems as if you two are even hanging out). Now, c'mon sis, do you really need Nailah's opinion?
By the Grace of God, I finally met a great guy. I own my own business, 5'7", a size 6, attractive, love the finer things in life. He's a tall, funny guy with a PhD, a great, good paying job, a salary in the low-mid six figures, a two-story house, five acres, etc.
For the first couple of weeks, he said he didn't want to go out for dinner because he wanted to "be alone" with me. ("Alone" = coming to my house every night and eating the food I'd bought.) Then I went to his house to dine. In his enormous living room was one crappy-looking, moth-eaten sofa. His bedspread was an old sleeping bag. He has an older iphone 5s, that he claims is always freezing. Forget high-speed Internet or cable (he says they're "not worth it," though he watches my cable the instant he sets foot in the door). His car is 8 years old. His T-shirts look like they came from the drugstore. And what did he make for dinner? Ravioloi...I'm kidding, but it was an off brand tomato sauce spread over spaghetti noodles with no meat. For my birthday, he gave me a book, fuzzy socks, and some candy (although they were my favorite)!!!
I've repeatedly tried talking to him about the pleasures in life that are worth paying for, but he won't budge. Am I wrong for wanting more? I'm contemplating marrying this man because he's a nice guy. If I say "I do," will I have to crochet my own clothes and eat noodles forever?
Nailah's response: Listen, I love spaghetti! and I've always believed that happiness can come from spending less, not more, money. But dag girl! Your cheap Mr. Krabs—poor guy!—is a petty little prune who thinks nothing of tossing the grandest joys (including you) into a trash can to save $3.33 a month.
Granted, money is always a sticky dating topic and is the top reason why most couples break up (including marriages). While being flashy shows your dude is obnoxious and foolish with his funds, a date who keeps his wallet on lockdown is also flying financial red flags. Either way, he's giving you a preview of how things would be and how he will treat you when the novelty wears off. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for the freebie dates or easy on the pockets type dates, however, if this is something you two only do, then he's cheap and next thing you'll know, you'll be out on a "real" date, and he tells you he's forgotten his wallet.
I feel bad for him, but unless he changes, as a husband he'd be a joke; as a father—what am I saying? He probably wouldn't spend the sperm to make such a thing possible. Unless you want to live the classic "unlived life," ruuuunnnnnnnn girl ruuuuuuuunnnnn. Let us know how everything goes, love.
Well, that's all for today ladies. Stay Tuned for more next Friday.
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