For Girls Who Are Learning How to Love Thyself

Want to know a secret on this good Friday? SIDENOTE: This blog is going to extremely candid and transparent.

 I used to think it was all hoopla. bullshit. The self-love thing. I mean, it all sounded so vain. Like it was an excuse for women who never married to save face. So, I ignored that part of my life and kept it moving. The fucked up thing about that is, it took me looking for that "love" in all the wrong places. Asshole scumbags, worthless friends, and family members who didn't know or quite understand my needs. Didn't quite know how to pour into me the love I desired and so desperately wanted...

Soon, my life was overcome with never-ending anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, sweats...I'm talking drenched all up under my armpits to the point I had to hid tissue in my shirts to prevent it seeping through my cute clothes. Not to mention, I changed them damned tissues out as if I were on a sweating period. 

This was my life. It was my life until one day, mid-panic attack and hitting the floor and shattering, I stopped. Mid-fall, I levitated…and I breathed. I allowed myself to see all that had happened to me and realized that maybe my self-destruction wasn’t always a curse. Maybe I needed this, I needed to hit rock bottom before I could ever save myself from drowning. Because that’s why I had survived these storms: to become my own hero and save the day. I realized that every scar that my heart and skin ever carried, were memories…not of when I was weak, but of when I was strong. Because in those moments I wanted to leave this earthly realm; but I picked myself up, sought out counseling and at the end of the day I was still breathing.

Why is self-love so important? If you can’t love and respect yourself, no one ever can. That dark, empty depression you feel every day? It’s because you don’t believe that you deserve to be happy. You are a ticking bomb made up of self-destructive tendencies that'll onlye continue to deteriorate you from the inside--out. 

The only true way you are ever going to get over the heartache that is trying to destroy you is by loving yourself. The only way you are ever going to succeed against any and all pain is by learning how to forgive yourself for the things you have done wrong or wrongs done unto you and trying to amend and learn from them. The only way you are going to actually become the best ever version of yourself is by learning to love yourself. Like for real, you've got to be your own best friend. 

Why? Because there is no love which will fulfill you like the love for yourself. When you love yourself and turn yourself into your own soulmate, every single one of your goals and your dreams can be accomplished. You can find the hope and healing you have been looking for so desperately and for so long deep inside yourself.

The idea that someone is your other half when you are already whole is one of the things that is holding you back. I'll repeat it again for those who didn't quite catch it the first time.

The idea that someone is your other half when you are already whole is one of the things that is holding you back.

Listen, don’t allow anyone to convince you that any kind of love other than the love you hold within your own heart for yourself is more important. This love, the love of yourself will make you stronger, better, wiser, more powerful than you ever have been before.

I hear you Sage, so, tell me, how does one begin this journey into loving one’s self? Girl, I'll begin by telling you It’s not easy. It’s going to start out messy because you have some healing to do and some parts of yourself that you may not like to make peace with. This part of your growth to self-love always hurts because it means dredging up memories and moments of yourself you hate, cringe at, feel like you have displayed the worst part of yourself and handled things extremely badly. Or it is the very worst thing that has ever happened to you, the thing that gives you nightmares, the darkness you deliberately don’t acknowledge, you will have to acknowledge and fight it. It’s choosing the tougher path, the road not taken because that road, though starting out rough, patchy, and full of rocks sure to bust your tire... will lead you to bigger and stronger and better things.

Self-love will also teach you how you want other people to show you their love. A good friend of mine and I were just talking about this the other day. It's so crazy and magical how you will begin to understand what your love language is, what you need from people to truly show you they appreciate you and most importantly what is the best way to appreciate yourself.

Self-love will set you free. It will make you the best and most independent version of yourself. It will stop you from falling into toxic co-dependent relationships. And most importantly it will help you grow into the person you need to be for yourself when you hit the hardest or worst moments of your life. 

 I life you chica! Keep pressing on and keep your head up.


BTW, check out my new Beauty with Brains Apparel here:



Photo Credit: Marie Boiseau print Found on Pinterest Here

Jasemine Knowles